Throughout my life I've known people whose houses have burned down as result of tragic accidents. I can’t imagine the gravity of that kind of situation let alone how it must effect a person. It’s the kind of trauma we all hope we never have to endure; the kind of nightmarish terror that keeps people awake at night.
At times when my mind is wandering I consider what it would be like if it ever happened to me. How would I react if I came home to a raging fire built from the kindling of all my earthly possessions?
I think at first I would sit down on the curb across the street and soak in the fullness of what I was witnessing. I’m not much for smoking, but I’d probably add a light of my own to my surroundings while watching every physical item I've valued enough to keep over the years reduced to ash. After the emergency vehicles drove off I’d still be sitting there well into the night in shock trying to figuring out what to do in the short term. At some point I’d find a place to sleep and begin restoring that segment of my life back to the healthy point it was before the destruction occurred.
I’d come out the next day in yesterday’s clothes with a cardboard box labeled “The Box of Sort-Of Success” and try and salvage anything I could, and then begin shopping to replace what had been lost to the flames. To be fair, I’m not much for possessions as people and experiences are much more valuable to me, so most of this initial reconstruction phase would involve trips to thrift shops while listening to an iPod with Macklemore on repeat.
Overall, I think I would be affected by this kind of event less than a lot of people. My heart would ache over the loss of mementos, but at the end of the sifting through the rumble I’d be most hurt by the loss of a space I could call my own. A home is not a collection of goods. It isn't the right configuration of carefully hand picked furniture, or the place where you keep your underwear.
It’s your place.
Where you feel safe and comfortable and at the end of the day you can go to feel at peace. This is why so many people feel like they aren't at home when they're with family and there's abuse, or when a spouse is distant and cold. Home is a choice. It’s also a feeling. Some of the wealthiest people I've ever met are homeless, even though they live in mansions full of luxury.
In a way, everyone has had their home burned down.
Everyone has had their peace, safety and comfort in the place that they've chosen as a refuge destroyed at some point in their lives.
This fracture takes on many forms.
A dysfunctional marriage.
A childhood experience.
A community that wasn't there.
A church that gave more pain than life.
A friendship that ended with regret.
What once began as a small flame turned into an inferno that for each of us has burned down a part of our heart, and damaged part of our Story in a way that has left only ash. Most people carry on in their own way and cling to the remnants of what they once had while storing what they can salvage in little boxes of memory. Others never get off the curb.
If we want to tell better stories, we have to revisit the places in our souls that have been damaged and allow new life to come back amid those charred remains. As you get to know me more through our journey together you’ll see the wounds from my own smoldering embers come out, but those are stories for another day.
For now, as we start this journey, take time with me today to reflect on the wounds of your own life where there is still more ash than green.
In ancient times when people would begin a long journey, others around them would say a prayer over the travelers as a way of sending them off. This seems appropriate for what we are embarking on together.
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Jesus…we don’t have words for these kinds of wounds.
The destruction and brokenness our hearts have known, and for many of us are still experiencing, often feels too big for us to handle.
So we stop.
We say that we can’t be healed on our own.
That if we are going to move forward we have to get up and move.
Whether we are limping or running, we stop and recognize your hand in our stories.
Even when we don’t understand the pain and loss we've known, we invite you to journey with us.
We invite you to come and heal what only you can.
Be with us as we discover more and more the Life you offer to us.